Because You Live
by PactumServa
Summary: There is meaning behind Draco's song.


Copyright of these characters + lyrics belongs to J.K Rowling, Jesse McCartney, etc.

First attempt at a songfic! It is a little awkward, but please bear with it

Not proofread by anyone – sorry for any mistakes!

**Because You Live**

_Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart_

When I wrote this first line, I laughed. As if anyone would match up this description with me, Draco Malfoy. Not the Ice Dragon. He doesn't feel, remember? He has no heart. See how he sneers at every wizarding family for not being in a pureblood family that's lasted through as many generations as his has. Look how he treats the Muggles. What an arrogant jerk he is.

At that time, I had been so angry. No shit. Say what you wanted, everyone, but guess what? The Ice Dragon was only human. Yes, I, Draco Malfoy, was human. I felt. I laughed, I breathed, I cried. I bled.

_It's the end of the world in my mind_

I'd never really been a melodramatic person. A Malfoy, after all, had to remain dignified in front of people. Always. However, at that time, I truly believed in those nine, monosyllabic, words. Well, sort of. To me it meant that my life had ended; but then again, had my life ever started? Had I ever lived? Had my life ever been my own? Those were the questions I asked myself back then.

I envied how naïve everyone was sometimes. You all looked at me and saw the Ice Dragon, the rude and calculating boy, the boy whom you could never tell what he was feeling and thinking. None of you ever suspected that it was but a persona, a façade, something I had to maintain at all costs if I wanted to survive in this accursed world.

None of them had tried growing up in a world where their family had been tied to the Dark forces for generations. A family who killed those who were 'blood traitors'; a family where the word 'love' meant nothing. I had been, and still am, a pawn to my father. He used me for his own glory. He expected high of me, and when I failed to meet, I was usually left convulsing in agony for numerous days. A still unfortunate common occurrence today.

He, like the rest of my family, along with Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters, expect me to join their ranks soon. After all, there has never been another life for a Malfoy. It is what they have always done. Traditions are important. And that is why I am writing this song for you. Tomorrow night, as you well know, I am taking the Dark Mark. There is no way out. I will be fully committed to the Dark Lord, and what he may require of me …

I needed my Ice Dragon persona. I never had the stomach for such violence, such cruelty, such _evil_. I learnt even before going to Hogwarts that I could never relax my façade. I needed to maintain at all times, lest when the time I really needed it, that is, _now_, it failed me. I needed the practice. If you'd seen what I'd seen, you'd understand. Because it wasn't only necessary for when I was taken along to witness murders, tortures, and the raping of innocents – all part of my initiation process. It was also necessary when father decided to impart his lessons of life to me. For all my rudeness, no one could deny my impeccable manners when they were required. Other children may have learnt such manners through positive encouragement from their parents. Father taught me through pain. My Father teaches me everything through pain. And then there were the nights when father wanted to try out his new dark curses he'd learnt, or when he decided that I had to be punished because it was disgraceful to be beaten by a Mudblood at school.

You all thought Harry Potter was such a hero for taking a short dose of the Cruciatus in his fourth year, at the tender age of fourteen. That was nothing. By first year, by the age of eleven, I had taken more of that curse than the age of Dumbledore tripled. By then, I had learnt to kiss the ground near my father's feet after he laid the Cruiactus on me and thank him for his discipline. Call it practice for the day my services would be brought to the Dark Lord. And you all wondered why I could not be such a nice boy like dear Harry Potter. It is what happens when you are stripped of your innocence even before you know that there is good in this world.

I wrote those two lines on the top of the Astronomy Tower. The temptation had been great then. All it would have taken was for me to have stepped off that window ledge. So simple. And unlike my life, so uncomplicated. And it would have been _my choice_. You who have such fortunate lives did not understand the thrilling intoxication of power that gave, to have had the ability to choose. I did not fear death. How did you, when you did not know if you have even lived?

_Then your voice draws me back like a wakeup call_

"Draco?"

And that's all it took. Just one word. I could not have refused you. Never you. I turned around.

A bushel of red hair, a hand outstretched. "Draco, come back inside, please."

_I've been looking for the answer, somewhere_

I had not believed in that way of life that countless Malfoy's before me had taken. But there had been no one to turn to. Even if I had managed to break away from the Malfoy family without losing my life, where would I have gone? The side I would have joined distrusted me. It was of course partly my fault – a side effect of the Ice Dragon persona. Malfoy, after all … such an evil boy. Look at him. He delights in torment. He probably knows more dark curses than the whole of the seventh level combined. And thus they saw not the boy inside that cried for help. They saw not the pressure he was under.

_I couldn't see that it was right there … _

I had believed no one could do anything about my situation. Fate, after all, was a cruel bitch who dealt me this lot in life. I had truly believed that there was no way out. Malfoy's had to be cruel, Malfoy's had to be calculating. At all times, they had to insult and put each other down. Rule no. goodness knows what in the Malfoy Code of Conduct. Just a few of thousands that had to be adhered to.

But oh, the irony. The one person who saw through my façade, the one person who became my only spark of hope, my reason for living … you. A Weasley. The Weaselette, to be precise. Ginny Weasley, the only girl in her family, and in my opinion? A little spitfire who is just as worthy to be in Slytherin. As my father would say, the Weasleys are a watered-down, traitorous pureblood family who loves Mudbloods and Muggles. The shame. You couldn't get much lower than that.

_But now I know what I didn't know_

What do I know? I know that yes, fate is a cruel bitch, because I cannot escape what is coming to me tomorrow. I cannot escape what I will have to do in the near future. But now I know that there is someone in the world who truly cares for me, who knows who I truly am. You. And it is enough.

Hmm. Let's skip the chorus for now, and go straight onto the second verse.

_It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again_

That night, when you brought me back off the ledge of the Astronomy Tower? You not only saved my physical body, you gave my soul life. You're the only person who I've ever dared to show my true self – if anyone could hear these thoughts I'm having now, they'd never believe it was me. So vulnerable, so lonely … so human.

_Coz of you I made it through in the storm_

Without you, I doubt I would have made it through the next few months, as my father stepped up the preparations to bring me to the Dark Lord's fold. The nights I spent shaking in bed, the hours I spent retching … I would have given up long before if you had not been there. I never did remember to ask you how you managed to get into the Slytherin common room and to my private room night after night. You've always been a cunning one – how you got put into Gryffindor, I don't know.

_What is life, what's the use if you're killing time_

That was what I thought. There was no point to life for me then. I spent days being taught stuff at Hogwarts I already knew; I spent nights with things that watching alone would be enough to send me to Hell forever.

_I'm so glad I found an angel, someone_

Obviously. You. I've never been any Romeo, so forgive me if my words are not in verse. I can compliment a girl until she swoons, yes, you've seen me do so to various Slytherins such as Pansy Parkinson, whose parents I must woo over to my side, but all that is so false. Understand that words will never describe how you've changed my life.

_Who was there when all my hopes failed_

Hope fails tomorrow night. Yet I will be strong, knowing that you are thinking of me. Let us not dwell that, for now …

_I wanna fly looking in your eyes_

I was going to use the word 'die', but I doubt you'd appreciate that. 'Fly' is good enough, because every time I see you, my spirit soars. Free. You taught me that. My Father, my family, my soon to be Dark Lord, they can make me do what they want, but they can never capture my soul.

_Because you live there's a reason why __I carry on when I lose the fire_

Tomorrow night, once happened, is irreversible. Once that Dark Mark is burned into me, it will be with me even after death. My life as I know it will be over. But I'll try and carry on. If there is anyway out, believe me, I will take it.

_I want to give you what you given me always_

Hope. With you, I have learnt what it means to hope. To dream. I dream for a day where I can be free of all pressures. I hope that I have the strength to see through to that day. Keep that hope with you also. So listen to the chorus, girl, and believe.

_Because you live and breathe_

_Because you make believe in myself_

_When nobody else can help_

_Because you live girl, my world_

_Has everything I need to survive_

But now, you must hate me like you've never hated before. Because if Lord Voldemort or any one of his Dark followers found out how much you meant to me, my next order would be to kill you. And to do that would be beyond even my almost unbreakable façade. So stay safe, Ginny Weasley. Pretend you've never known me. Pretend you hate me with every fibre of your being because of how I treat others, especially Harry Potter. But most of all, deep inside you, remember the times we shared. Remember who I really was. Merlin be with you always.

_Because you live … I live … _

_I live._


End file.
